Communicating

This week I have learned a couple things I found was pretty important. One is that I am not a very successful communicator and two is that it can be very difficult to do so. A few steps I felt were the most important in successful communication is not pointing fingers or attacking the person you are trying to communicate with, to not just compromise but to consensus, and to be understanding of the other's wants and needs as well. I am sure everyone has had those arguments that seem like they are going no where but in circles. I have been in plenty of those. The language that usually accompanies this sort of argument is something like, "You are so selfish!" or, "You never listen and are lazy!" First off, nobody wants to be told they are a terrible person even if it is true or not. When someone tells me things like that, I immediately become defensive and unwilling to solve anything with that person especially if they think that about me. I once was asking my sister advice on what to say when I bring up a touchy subject with some roommates. She taught me the idea of not having the person who is being discussed the problem to to be the bad guy. by doing this we could blame the problem on the situation rather than the person. We should also begin with our own feelings rather than just blaming the other of accusations. Language that would be in this sort of argument would be, "I feel stressed about the budget can we talk about it?" or "I felt like you were frustrated today, is there something bothering you?" She also pointed out that I could ask my roommate how we could fix the problem or make it more doable. By doing this we are trying find ways in which both of us are pleased with the final decision and both get what we want. Comparing consensus to compromising it like comparing a win-win situation to a lose-lose situation. When compromising each person gives up part of their dream to accommodate the other. Doing this, both people don't get what they want. When in consensus, both try to accomplish both person's dream best they can. Doing this I feel like provides respect for each other's wishes. It is also understanding the other's wants and needs. When each person is concentrated on the other's needs each will be met. This also provides the true love the Savior talks about when He talks about serving others. As we focus on other's needs and desires we will love them even more. Although doing these things, I learned, is not very easy it becomes easier over time and with help and practice. Doing this helps relationships become stronger and last forever in love.