Divorce

Like many families, separation occurs which typically is very painful and not positively talked about. In some cases divorce is necessary, but in some cases I feel like it is a lack of communication. In my own experience, communication can be difficult and sometimes, if done wrong, can make things worse. I have communicated in the wrong way and in the right way before. When I communicated in the wrong way, I often used the words "you" instead of the words "I feel". The difference is simple, but important. When I communicated right, I would often express what I felt the other person is doing and how it made me feel without accusing them of any actions that may have been theirs. Although sometimes miscommunication is the main reason for divorce. Other reasons could be abuse or a thought of incompatibility. divorce can happen in many ways, but can also be prevented in many ways. A couple could go to couples therapy or research better ways to communicate. There are many ways to deal with divorce, but it takes time forgiveness, and vulnerability.

Parents

There are many types of parenting and several ways in which parents instruct and protect their children. There are three types that are overall encompassing of how parents parent. One way is called dictator style. This style is a forceful style with many rules and harsh consequences. There is not much affection in this type of parenting, but there is still love. The second style is called permissive. This style is very much the opposite of the dictator parenting style. This way of parenting offers a life without rules. The parents feel that if they let their children do what they want, they will figure out how to act and do the best things eventually. These parents just want to please their children. The last style is called active parenting style. This style is in the middle of permissive and authoritarian styles. This style has rules, but has freedom within those rules. These parents show the children they care but have rules to keep them from harm. It is said that the most effective parenting style is the active parenting style. I was lucky to have grown up with this type of parenting style. My parents did have rules, but they were rules for my safety. I knew they were rules for my safety because my parents would always explain why they made these rules. In authoritarian style the parents did not explain much of why they had the rules, they just enforce them. My parents also showed me they loved me because they would show it to me. They were my friends, but also my parents, and I knew that. In the permissive style, the parents want their children to be their best friends and try to please their children by letting them do whatever they want. To this day, I am grateful for my parents active role in my life and how they raised me. They were not perfect, but they were always trying to be better.

Working Together

There are many different reasons for divorce, but a very common one is poor financing skills. Why would this be a hardship between a married couple? To be able to control spending too much money, there needs to be rules of how to use the money that was given to that family. A story that was told in our class was of a couple that early in their marriage. The wife assumed that the husband knew what he was doing with the earned money and never bothered to ask him about it. The husband, because he loved his wife, took her out to dinner often and bought her many things. After a while and a discussion of how he managed to do all of these things, they realized they were in deep debt. This couple was suffering because of a simple misunderstanding on how to take care of the money they had. There are many ways to avoid such a traumatic experience. One way to avoid this is to discuss the issue before the couple become husband and wife. By addressing this issue they can prepare before the act of putting their lives together. Another way to avoid this is to make a budget together as a couple and stick to it. By knowing how much spending money they have, they are able to know when to buy essential things and when they are able to buy not as important things. Through these two suggestions of how to take care of the money, we can see that in both example the couple is working together. Through that the couple can also grow in respect and love for each other as they work to make each other's life more pleasant.

Communicating

This week I have learned a couple things I found was pretty important. One is that I am not a very successful communicator and two is that it can be very difficult to do so. A few steps I felt were the most important in successful communication is not pointing fingers or attacking the person you are trying to communicate with, to not just compromise but to consensus, and to be understanding of the other's wants and needs as well. I am sure everyone has had those arguments that seem like they are going no where but in circles. I have been in plenty of those. The language that usually accompanies this sort of argument is something like, "You are so selfish!" or, "You never listen and are lazy!" First off, nobody wants to be told they are a terrible person even if it is true or not. When someone tells me things like that, I immediately become defensive and unwilling to solve anything with that person especially if they think that about me. I once was asking my sister advice on what to say when I bring up a touchy subject with some roommates. She taught me the idea of not having the person who is being discussed the problem to to be the bad guy. by doing this we could blame the problem on the situation rather than the person. We should also begin with our own feelings rather than just blaming the other of accusations. Language that would be in this sort of argument would be, "I feel stressed about the budget can we talk about it?" or "I felt like you were frustrated today, is there something bothering you?" She also pointed out that I could ask my roommate how we could fix the problem or make it more doable. By doing this we are trying find ways in which both of us are pleased with the final decision and both get what we want. Comparing consensus to compromising it like comparing a win-win situation to a lose-lose situation. When compromising each person gives up part of their dream to accommodate the other. Doing this, both people don't get what they want. When in consensus, both try to accomplish both person's dream best they can. Doing this I feel like provides respect for each other's wishes. It is also understanding the other's wants and needs. When each person is concentrated on the other's needs each will be met. This also provides the true love the Savior talks about when He talks about serving others. As we focus on other's needs and desires we will love them even more. Although doing these things, I learned, is not very easy it becomes easier over time and with help and practice. Doing this helps relationships become stronger and last forever in love.

Love is an open door!

Often times we base our first impressions of those that we meet on who that person is in that moment. Because of that impression we might frame everything that they do with that impression without considering a change. In a conversation we had in our class discussion one time, we talked about how we could come into someone's or a family's life when they are going through a hard time or even a good or successful time. One time in my life I met someone that I did not have that great of an impression of. I judged them from that time in their life when I really did not know that person. After I got to know them, I would hear of what they are going through or anything that was making them act the way they are acting. I learned that instead of judging so harshly at first, always give people a first positive impression. From that we can love that person already and can even be of assistance in their time of need. In the New Testament, Matthew 18: 21-22 Jesus tells Peter that we should forgive everybody not just seven times, but seventy times seven. Jesus is telling us to forgive everyone no matter what. I feel like that can apply to first impressions. We need to give the benefit of the doubt and not judge but love. Through that we can even forgive them easier if they hurt us in any way. If we love the person and had respect for them, we would not want to hurt them. We need to be understanding of everyone because we never know what they are going through in their life and what challenges God has given them to mold them into the person they can become.

Wove

In the Doctrine and Covenants chapter 42 verse 22 it explains what a relationship between a husband and wife should be like by saying, "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else." In that scripture, it gives us one of the key components to having a successful marriage. How would a couple stay together by cleaving unto one another? A relationship can be very delicate and sensitive. It needs nourishing and it needs dedication. In many cases as we studied this concept in our class, it was talked about setting boundaries. Boundaries may include avoiding being alone in a room with someone of the opposite sex that is not your spouse or not sharing personal aspirations and desires to someone that is not your spouse. Although these things seem harmless and not important, in all truth, it could be a destroying factor in a relationship. When one shared desires and aspirations, it brings those people closer together. I know even when I simply share desire and aspirations to my roommates I feel that we become closer as friends. Through that experience two people can feel close and intimate even if they are not married just through the sharing of these personal desires. To stay close to one another, avoid being being alone with the opposite sex and to strengthen your relationship by sharing desires and aspirations with your spouse.

The Real Deal

Growing up I imagined that marriage was a beautiful beginning to a fairy tale life that included being with the love of my life in a model home with a some perfectly sweet children. As I grew up though, I realized how wrong that really was. Although in some ways that dream can be some what accomplished, it is through great sacrifice, self control, and work. Complete work and effort. My beginning thoughts of marriage did not include the harsh truths of life. Life is hard, but I had often found that those things I find hard bring the most pleasure to me once finished. those things I put so much effort into end up being what I treasure most and what I gained a copious amount of knowledge from. In marriage I feel sometimes people feel that they can just live their same lives, but with another person. There was a time In my family that some of us started to move out of the house or get married. As this happened, I realized that my family wasn't as close as they were in previous years. this bothered me. As I thought about it more, I realized what we had been doing wrong. My family had been putting the same effort of communication then as we did in the past. Because of the distance, for our family to stay closer, we needed to try even harder to stay in contact. After we realized this we told each other that we would try to call and text each other more often. It is hard to have major addition or even loss in your life and not have to change your way of living at least a little. I learned that in my future marriage, I will have to change some ways I live to make the marriage be successful. I am sure that as I do that, it will become very precious to me. Knowing that helps me to prepare and to look forward to such beautiful time.